You look like a monkey, and you act like one too!!!!

If you have the pleasure of sharing your happy birthday with the White’s you will realize that it’s not only the birthday boy or girl acting like a monkey but in fact the entire family. Being part of the White’s means you are part of a long and ongoing birthday tradition which entails being woken up as early as Buddy has to go to work that day, and also includes the honor of sharing a table, that is usually not big enough for everyone, at Spur for your Birthday dinner.

When its your birthday in the White house you get woken up by a horribly off-tone version of Happy birthday, luckily you also still have sleep in you eyes so you miss the 1st half of us trying to be musicians. If you are not one of the live-in residents you can be sure to receive a phone call at the same early hour where everyone in the Brady bunch sings the tune over the phone to you from the bottom of their hearts before going about their own daily tasks again. But I love our “Happy birthday to you” ritual; I wouldn’t want to wake up on my birthday to anything else. Luckily for me my birthday is in December, but to the dismay of fellow camper’s staying next to us as they will also be woken up by the singing as nothing keeps us from our tradition.

But the singing is the least of your worries on your special day; you should rather ponder the fact of how many people will be coming to your birthday dinner. This is always held at Spur as they are so accommodating to their little spur tribe boys and girls who can jump and play while the rest of the grown ups go about their “lovely” dinner. Keep in mind that on a normal day our family consists of about 8 or so odd people, but with these events the extended family will usually join in, which entails our friends that have come to be part of our crazy family as well as boyfriends.

So when we arrive at Spur with 4 cars on a Sunday evening and ask for a table for 14 (which later ended up being 18) we just sigh when we see our waiter’s nametag “Africa”. Poor guy, as we all know – there is no time in Africa, and this demanding group will by offset (obviously to us) be too much for him to cope with. First it takes half an hour of debate to determine if we will sit in smoking or non-smoking, in the end we did smoking because we could all fit in on one table in that section. When I say one table I am not referring the tables normal restraints have for 14 people. No the White’s make a plan and we literally rearranged the smoking section in spur to accommodate all of us, to poor Africa, the horror. He just stood by as we moved tables and benches and rearranged half the place. We sure know how to take over!

So after having to ask for the wine list, straws for our drinks, side plates that were sent back because they were wet and what not, we tried to better the disaster. Africa wasn’t keeping up so we got them to give us another waiter which was also a futile exercise, at the end of the day the manager ended up serving us, high maintenance we really are!

Apart from these traditions you must remember that there are the 2 little ones, and little ones means kiddie’s parties, now here I have to give it to Moekie and Mich when it comes to creativity, no Woodhill mommies idea will be repeated at one of our parties!! We have done archeological diggings and boot camps for the boys, Winnie the Pooh parties, tea parties and this year a baking party for the girls… Recipe for Fun: White house kitchen, come prepared, we will provide you with a personalized potato printed apron (with your name). Method: mix together family and good friends, you might not have to walk the tight rope but act like a monkey in the end we guarantee you will.

Maurice Sendak

"There must be more to life than having everything."

ThE OpRaTiNg RoOm..

If there is one thing I have come to learn from being part of a big family it is that there is always someone there!!

I was randomly thinking yesterday of the day when I don't wake up in the White House every morning… Don't get me wrong I love living in the White House, I just don't think Moekie will love it if I live there until I am 30. Then I started thinking of the things I am going to miss when I am not there….

The average weekend day starts with Puppet coming down the stairs with a bang, or more like a "clack-clack", having the fashion sense of any normal 6 year old she loves those cheap plastic high-heel shoes that "Brats" market to little kids so well, and do they make a noise… Luckily for me my bedroom is right next to the stairs so no sleeping in for me… But I am going to miss that "clack-clack" when it doesn't wake me up at 7 on a Sunday morning… Most guests who have been lucky enough to spend a night at our bed and breakfast will also share with certainty that this is not the kind place where you will be lucky enough to sleep till 9am, it just doesn't happen, someone is bound to make a noise early in the morning and if its not a big one consider yourself lucky!

Whenever you walk into the White house there is always someone there, always someone ready to make tea, well maybe not ready, we might fight about who is going to make the tea or you might end up making it yourself (regardless - if you a resident or guest) but there is always tea at the end.. The best spot in the White house is definitely the kitchen – or as I like to call it the operating room, almost everything happens in and from the kitchen, apart from the obvious this is Moekie's favorite location for assigning tasks, but it is also where all the catching up, smiles tears and gossip happens… Bear in mind all this discussion takes place with the kids having lunch or someone cooking or baking or making a phone call in the background.. It is most importantly also the place where hugs are given and best of all where a good cup of tea makes everything better. It is amazing always coming home to someone willing to make tea, listen and share their own story.

The best time spent in the kitchen is probably when one of the non-resident family members comes to visit. These turn into late night gossip sessions that easily last until 3am… Anyone that has visited will tell you that our White House is like a buzzing farm house in the middle of the city, maybe we talk more than we bake but the hospitality is one and the same… The operating room will be the most missed part, who is going to make tea and listen in a house that lacks our legend kitchen..

"The Tale of the three naughty dogs" - by Big Man White

This is the story Big Man wrote for his creative writing project at school: "Once upon a time there were 3 dogs Bella, Cabousi and Snooky. Cobous was very hairy like an owl and Snooky as well. Bella was not that hairy at all. They were best friends and they were very naughty. They dug holes in other peoples gardens and they dug out peoples flowers and ate them. Bella's party is coming up, she was turning 2 this year. It was in February the 12th. Snookys birthday was on February the 11th and she was also turning 2. They got lots of presents they are having so much fun that day. when they went to sleep people took their presents for themselves to play with because they remembered their gardens and they wanted to get them back. As soon as they woke up and they never got hurt and they lived happily ever after..."

The one with the nuts..

In our funny little family we have had many memorable misunderstandings and embarrassing moments when it comes to the things most households don’t discuss around the dinner table. But we are not your average conventional family. Let me explain...

I will start by sharing the absolutely hilarious story of the morning glory with you. No don’t blush, a morning glory is an innocent creeper that makes pretty little purple flowers in spring, didn’t you know that? Buddy evidently didn’t, when Moekie and Buddy started dating way back when, this topic “crept” into the conversation. Buddy didn’t seem to really get what they were taking about. Later that evening on the way home Moekie asked Buddy what a morning glory was, and Buddy innocently replied “it’s a creeper with pretty purple flowers.”

So while Buddy has a gap in his knowledge of morning glories, 10 year old Big Man on the other end of the scale is well on his way to getting educated about these things way too early. His nick name at school is Hugh Hefner; luckily he doesn’t know who that is!!! His friends started referring to him as Hugh Hefner because of his name. So my brother comes home one day and asks Moekie who Hugh Hefner is. Immediately she sees red lights flashing and diplomatically answers “It’s a very rich man that lives in America.” Pimp it out Hef…

Rykie also set of Moekie’s red lights when she was roughly the same age, she came to Moekie with the question “mommy what is a poncho?” “It is a place where dirty men go to look at naked ladies dancing” she replied. I didn’t understand, “but in my favorite song the lady sings about putting on her poncho to go outside.” Maybe Moekie should ask me to spell the word to her next time before she covers up so quickly.

Then there is Puppet, one morning when Mich was getting dressed she innocently entered the room, puzzled she asked “why doesn’t your pantie have bums?” I trust she will still discover the j-string herself later in life.

Big man was also part of an embarrassing little incident when the tour guide on holiday in Phuket asked “who can tell me what they make with the rubber that comes from these trees.” With all the shy adults around him not wanting to answer Big Man’s hand was up in the air 1^st with the proud answer, “condoms”. Okay, now how does this little boy know that I wonder…?

It seems that 6 year old Puppet is also discovering the other side of life, when Mich picked her up from school yesterday she pointed to her black friend Moglanga and exclaimed in front of all the moms picking up their kids, “that’s my new boyfriend”. Mich asked her why Boykanja (last weeks flavor) isn’t her boyfriend anymore, “because his bum sticks out when he does hand stands” Puppet replied. Look on the bright side at least our little sister is proud to be part of our rainbow nation.

I will leave you with Big man’s favorite joke. “2 chocolates are walking down the street, how do you know which one is the male? The one with the nuts.”

“You!!! Of my planet!!!”

In the White house everyone is on their own planet – and for some reason our huge house isn’t big enough in order to avoid solar system crashes, and random acts of confusion because, you are from Mars and I am from Venus…

I have had some requests for an introduction of the family members. Please enter with caution because if you continue reading you will be confused…. This will only be a introduction I will try to confuse you even more when explaining where everyone fits in. Later... So here goes, please note that I will be using nick names, yes the same nick names we print on bright yellow golf-shirts when we travel abroad, and as much as I hate them I regret to confess that we would have probably lost a family member if it wasn’t for these horrible fashion statements that we try to make… But picture a group of 14 odd people ranging from 4 years of age to late 50’s – all on the airport or some foreign country, and all on their own little planet, someone are bound to stray from the heard …. Were it not for those yellow matching shirts we would have certainly lost one of our soccer team / dartboard club members (call those crazy look-alikes what you will). Now for the best part each family member’s shirt has its nick name printed on the back. The yellow ones were for the Zanzibar trip and the green ones were for U.S.A trip – yes we need a new set every time because we grow out of them... So to get back to the point here we all are in green SA rugby coloured shirts with our nickname as well as our “team number” i.e. ranking in the family – printed in huge yellow letters on the back. So from number 1 I introduce 1. Buddy; 2. Blonde; 3. Muis; 4. Rykie; 5. Bella; 6. Woo; 7. Big Man; 8. Puppet…. Now you know us all!!

I will use this opportunity to give a brief introduction of each as well as how they came about their names – (and please I invite any of these numbers to add on as they please). 1. Buddy – The proud dad of us all, but being a 2nd dad to some of us (if I can call him that cause he is my 1st); some of us needed a different name, so Bella christened him Buddy and it has just stuck with fam and friends… 2. Blonde – this is dad’s beloved nickname for mom, also known as “moekie” by the children whose 2nd mother she is. Also the one who comes up with these crazy fashion ideas. 3. Muis – I have no idea where it comes from, I just know that’s what dad cals her and no one question it! – our big sister who lives too far away… . 4. Rykie – also known as Myke – Bella gave me this name when she was little and it just stuck. I am the next sister in line and the moody one they will all tell you, but it’s a lie don’t listen to what they say – this is my planet!!!. 5. Bella – now known as Zellie; this is our sister who doesn’t know what planet she is on herself, I gave her the nickname cause she is the pretty one, I regret to inform you that I recently got a Cocker Spaniel and she has stolen Zellie’s name, (I will introduce Bella formally later). 6. Woo – because it rhymes with her name and I think maybe she cried a lot when she was little woo hooo. Ha ha… Our little sister who we don’t want to accept is growing up… 7. Big man – because he is our Big Man - also the only lucky rooster amongst the hens – our little brother on his own little planet while discovering the big wide world out there. 8. Puppet – she is our little puppet our baby sister on her own little planet of what to wear today and she is only 6 (almost)!! Then there is the person behind the scenes who makes all these crazy holidays run smoothly – for continuity lets keep with the numbers, 9. Mich – our superwomen au-pair and best friend to all the sisters (and brother) who just makes sure the days of our life’s run smoothly - i dont know how she does it!. Last but not least are the latest additions Bella and Snoekie 9. Bella – English Cocker Spaniel with a temper much like her mommy’s (Myke) 10. Snoekie - or "Moekie se Snoekie" as we like to call her - Mini Maltese with a jumpy personality like no other – together they are partners in crime!

So that’s the lot, I hope I haven’t left anyone out – anything is possible. I hope you have some more clarity of who is who and what is where. They are a crazy bunch all on their own planets but still in the same solar system at the end of the day…. Only just!

Keeping up with the White's...

Anyone with even one sibling would understand how they can make you feel like you just want to pull the hair out of your head. Now imagine having more than one, even more than 2 or more than 3… That’s crazy crazy!!! Now imagine that some of you have the same mother, some the same father and some both…. Now imagine that some of you live in different places and only see each other on holidays and some of you have to put up with each other 24/7. You are lucky that you only have to imagine. This is part of the Crazy (everyday) Life of Me-ryk… Let’s not introduce all these siblings to you just yet or try and explain the very complicated family tree either. We will get there… Let’s just say we a couple more than 3….

I have decided to post a weekly newsletter (lets hope I can keep that promise), to keep all those who want to try keep up, up to date. Because trust me you never even really know what’s up and what’s not - even when you share a house with the White’s.

Let’s start with the weekend. As most of us know it was a public holiday (Thursday and Friday), and all the White’s will be staying at home, or that was the plan. But as you come to learn - when sharing a house with the Brady Bunch nothing is final until it happens in actuality, things change, and don’t they change fast… We all knew about the public holidays way back when, but like always Mommy White decides this is going to be a mini getaway – and not when – 2 days before the holiday actually starts – like always… So she sits and phones 100 numbers and looks at a 1000 websites to find the perfect place for a weekend mini break – only to discover to her surprise (and no one else’s) that everything is all booked out!!! What a surprise indeed…. Eventually Mommy finds some place in “put-sonder-water” with a swimming pool and the works, and off they go… Me-ryk is left at home alone to her delight – but it comes with a price, do you know how much 3 dogs can poo in 4 days? And to make things better they have chosen Mommy’s formal lounge Persian rug to do their business on. 2 Bottles of odour neutraliser and one bottle of pet repellent later they are now going about their daily routines elsewhere – all over the house…

So the White’s arrive in “put-sonder-water” to realise that their luxury splash pool is indeed a “put-met-water” and nothing more. Our Fam has come to realise that those stunning pictures on getaway websites are never real, did you hear me mommy – NEVER REAL. Just ask everyone who accompanied us on our previous Zanzibar expedition - party of how many ever can fit on the plane can go with. Where we arrived late at night to our “Supreme Deluxe Beach Front Villas” only to find that the only thing they are suitable for is a parked car… Someone should inform the resort that in future they should rather advertise as “Local Experience Villas” (hopefully they have finished building them by now and installed the built in cupboards) – without cockroaches if you lucky…. It was that bad, but not that bad, because I have come to realise that when you have those people with you, and I mean those who cause you to pull the hair out of your head, nothing matters…. That crazy Brady Bunch that I call my family is actually not half bad, they have the ability to make a mud filled pit and a half finished room seem like heaven on earth, because at the end of the day it doesn’t matter as much where you go, but rather who goes with you…. And trust me having the Brady Bunch for company is an unforgettable experience... Every time!!